It was Super Bowl Sunday and I was throwing a party at our apartment. I thought I had everything planned perfectly – the 6-foot heroes, salads, chips and beer, but as the writer Robert Burns once wrote, “The best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft agley!” Alas, my friends showed up with some of their friends and soon I found myself running low on “green gorillas” Heineken …that just wouldn’t do!
The game was heating up though, so I came up with the bright idea of trying to run to the deli (2 blocks away) and get back with two more cases – all in the time of one commercial break.
Well… I did it alright and was proud of myself too until my wife asked me where I got the money to pay for the beer, since my wallet and money appeared to still be in our bedroom. That caused me to actually turn my brain on and try and remember just what I did – this is what I did:
- I ran out of my apartment the nanosecond a commercial came on
- I ran like a bat out of hell the two blocks to the deli, the whole time only focusing my feeble brain power on the best way to carry the two cases on the way back home, so I could run with them. Did it enter my walnut-sized brain that I hadn’t grabbed any money… no!
- I ran huffing and puffing into the deli – there were a few customers in there – I gave big “hello’s” to everyone working there, since it’s my local deli, I’m in there all of the time.
- As I’m saying Hi to everyone, I quickly make my way to the beer fridges running down one side of the deli. I grabbed two ice-cold cases of gorillas, balanced them carefully in my hands – asked one of the customers to hold the door to the deli open for me and…
- RAN OUT WITHOUT PAYING FOR THEM!
Like a thief…
Like a low-life petty criminal…
Even worse, like some sort of maniac, because I did it right in front of everyone working behind the counter and even asked a customer in a loud voice to hold the door for me …so I could STEAL two cases of Heineken.
Of course, I returned and told them some cockamamie story about how I had to get back fast and was always intending on coming back to pay. You know something – I did it so boldly that everyone in the store said they didn’t even notice …but my wife noticed <sigh> she still won’t let me live that down!
(Next time – one more embarrassing deli story …another one my wife won’t let me forget)