I spent most of my life looking for guidance. When I was young, I turned to my parents and brother for guidance. In school, I turned to my teachers and advisers. In the rock band, I turned to our managers, producers, agents, and band mates for guidance. Then when I left the band and joined a Christian congregation I turned to ministers for guidance. The pattern continued – in business I turned to my partners for guidance and once I met my wife, I turned to her for guidance. Nowadays, I even turn to my sons for guidance, like their mama, they never miss a turn at telling daddy what I should do.
All of these people have helped me along my journey, but there comes a time in everyone’s life when they need to keep their own counsel in order to decide what their next step should be – mine came last summer. I had come home from work and sat down at the kitchen table to catch up with my wife when she looked at me and said, “g, you’re not happy.”
My wife has a real talent for cutting right to the chase. I had no idea what she was talking about – but I learned that …that was the point! I was totally unable to recognize the fact that, although I was working, making money, relatively healthy and putting food on the table – I had no joy “of myself.” I make the distinction “of myself” because, my God, my faith, my wife, my sons and my friends all bring me joy – but that’s not the joy she was talking about – she was talking about a personal joy that can only stem from self-satisfaction …from listening to your heart!
Lisa saw the confusion and frustration in my eyes and like only a soul mate can, she also saw the turmoil in my heart. She helped me diagnose and discover my problem – it turned out that I was deaf! Now, most people that know me, know that I’m pretty deaf from too many years in a heavy metal band, so you better speak up (and let me see you move your lips) when you speak to me – but that wasn’t the type of deafness I’m talking about. I discovered that I was totally deaf when it came to listening to my heart …that was an epiphany of sorts for me! I asked Lisa what I should do and once again she cut to the chase by turning the question back on me – “What do you WANT to do, g?!”
What do I WANT to do?! …what do I …WANT to do? I haven’t the foggiest, I said to myself at first. Well, long story short, tapping into my faith with prayer, listening to Lisa’s guidance and reading a book she gave me on visualization – a great book called THE GABRIEL METHOD(http://www.gabrielmethod.com/) by a man named Jon Gabriel, I’ve begun another journey in my life – this time my own heart is my guide!
Suddenly it was like my eyes and ears were opened! I found that I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do …what I wanted to look like …who I wanted to be!! I found that I hated my job, I hated what I looked like …I hated who I became – not because I was a bad person doing bad things – but because the person who I became, bore no resemblance to the person I wanted to be. Through prayer, meditation and most importantly (for this purpose) visualization, I allowed myself to picture me looking and acting like the “g” I wanted to be, doing the things I wanted to do. In order to do this, I had to release all of my fears and all of my self-imposed obstacles. With God’s help, I started hearing my heart! It was telling me what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be! Even more curious, I discovered that I ALWAYS knew what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be – I had just erected too many “mental walls” …walls that I manned with snipers that would systematically shoot down any “messengers from my heart.” Not only that, I also discovered that my heart speaks in a different language than I do but you can learn the language of your heart simply by communicating with it while leaving your fears and pre-conceived notions behind!
What it boils down to is that our hearts don’t comprehend the world we live in like our conscious minds do. We’re supposed to live in this world but not be of this world. I think I’ve learned a deeper meaning from that biblical verse now. With the help and support of my wife and sons, I decided to finally listen to my heart and these are the things it told me so far:
v I NEED to write – no other earthly effort gives me more joy!
v I NEED to create and perform music – with no other purpose than to “make a joyful noise!
v I NEED to intake the kind of food my body is SCREAMING for me to eat and STOP starving myself (with dieting)! My body has already started rewarding me for this – I’ve never felt better and had more energy in my life AND fat is melting off of me faster than it did over the past ten years of my dieting (and basically starving myself). If you want more info about how to lose weight and keep it off without dieting – read THE GABRIEL METHOD (http://www.gabrielmethod.com/).
I used to look at how satisfied other friends of mine were with their lives – not all of them were financially well off – not all of them were Adonis’s or models – but I can see clearly now that all of them had one thing in common – THEY WERE LISTENING TO THEIR HEARTS!
Now, I am too …I don’t know what the future holds for me but I do know one thing …I’ll never go back to my former self. I’m not afraid of this journey and I look forward to seeing all of you on my way!
I wish you all peace and blessings …send me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) or Facebook message if you want to know more about any of the above – I’m always here for you! g
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Dean Wesley Smith