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Writers helping writers … or not! 11/30/2011

Those who know me, know I like to bend an arm with friends. Nothing like finding a nice pub, buying the first round, tellin’ a few lies and havin’ a few laughs. Hey, I used to be a heavy metal guitarist, that’s what we did for a living (I really think the music took 2nd place).

Well, now, in the words of my loving wife, I’m a friggin’ author, so I really look forward to getting together with writer/friends of mine, but let me tell you … the conversations we have border on ones lunatics would have with each other, who’ve escaped from the local nut house.

Pour a few pints into each and here’s a sample of my last meet-up with three other authors – one writes vampire/zombie novels; one writes erotica; and one writes fantasy. I made the mistake of asking them for help with a sub-plot …

For sake of anonymity, I’ll call them “Vamp" (vampire/zombie), "Eros" (erotica), and "Fanny" (fantasy):

Me: <sigh> “I screwed up … one of my characters is in Europe at the end of chapter 10 and I need him to be in the U.S. an hour later, in chapter 11.”

Fanny: “That’s easy … he could sprout wings and fly there.”

Eros: “Sprout … I like that. How about … out-jut or stimulate to full length?”

Vamp: “Why not kill him in Europe? Or even better, have him kill someone?”

Me: “Wha—“

Fanny: “You don’t ‘out-jut’ wings, they sprout, trust me, I know about such things. I’m just not sure he could fly from Europe to the U.S. in an hour with just wings sprouting from his back … wait, I got it … time needs to stop too!”

Eros: “You’re the expert, huh? Then what else can you do with wings ... stroke ... caress ... pinch?"

Vamp: “Let me rethink this … if he kills someone, he still needs to get to the U.S. in an hour. <tapping her chin> yeah … probably better to kill him, then you can take your time flying his body home."

Eros: "Wibble ... bounce ... spank ...?"

Me: “Wait a second, the character is a former delta forces officer and my novel has to be as … realistic as possible—”

Fanny: “That’s why I think stopping time is a better idea – at least that’s possible.”

Me: “Huh?”

Eros: “Do you know it’s a proven fact that at the height of sexual satisfaction, time really does stop!”

Vamp: “Time also stops when you’re dead!”

Me: “LADIES!” <Exhaling audibly> “Hasn’t any of you even read my novels?”

Fanny: “We have g … just my opinion … you lost me with all that r-e-a-l-i-t-y—”

Eros: “Yeah, and no one so much as undressed … I mean totally—”

Vamp: “And all your dead people stayed dead … b-o-r-i-n-g!”

Me: “Bartender … <sigh> another round for my friends.”

I finally did finish that novel … it’s titled, _Signs of War_ and I’d really appreciate it if you’d check it out and if you feel the urge … buy a copy … at least, so I can continue to afford buying rounds for my friends. c”,)

Peace all! (I really would appreciate it if you checked _Signs of War_ out. You can, here at Amazon, where it’s available in Kindle and paper editions. Barnes & Noble and Smashwords too for other eBook formats!)

p.s. Please hit the "Tweet' and 'Like' buttons below this and help me spread the word about _Signs of War_ ... Thanks! g

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